It’s been more than a month since the last time I saw him.
It’s been 5 consecutive Valentines Day without Nowel.
I’ve never felt so incomplete because I was somehow hoping to have him standing next to me. I told myself, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful to watch The Vow with him?” Pain pierced me. I really miss him.
Like what I’ve said in one of my shout outs in my Facebook account, I feel like I’m a single lady. I don’t know if what I’m feeling is bad. I don’t know if I should be feeling guilty of entertaining this kind of thought. However, I don’t want to blame myself. I’m not giving up on us or whatsoever.
I think I want to lose track of time. I don’t want to do the math anymore as to whether how many days or nights he’s been gone. I need time killers. Whenever I go home from work, all I want is to get some sleep or play with Noa. I don’t wanna think about how hard our situation is.
There are times I cry on my workstation because I can no longer handle the pain. Like what I always say, “She who waits, also serves.” This is my part. This is my personal sacrifice. Missing special days and occasions are becoming as normal as breathing. My man confesses that because of his frequent busyness, he doesn’t even know what date it is already.
I think am now gradually losing the strength to be far from him. He promised me that after all these things, he would come back to us, his family, and we would never be apart. He said that as each day passes, he feels that he’s a step closer to me… and being with me is his finish line.
Anyhow, too much of a drama. Happy Heart’s Day everyone! 🙂
Like my favorite quote says, “Distance does to love what the wind does to fire, it extinguishes the weak and feeds the strong.”
I wanna share with you what my then-boyfiend wrote for me a few years back.
IN ME WITH YOU
By: NOBT, 2007
Every victorious exit is an entrance into another magical world of hierarchical challenge.
The land bade farewell to the year where war was bloody and the truce was cloudy.
Accompanying with this is the extreme feeling of ecstasy in my heart that stirred my imagination to a wonderful lady who I met. Two thousand six offered me a rocky road and eroded terrains. Yet December found its way to my memorable days and destiny sent you to me.
It is you–it is you who made every second worthwhile, every step modified and every dream shine.
Early this year saved me reminiscence when we began exchanging messages, sharing plans and expressing emotions. Time seems slow; for our communication absorbed an idea that distance is nothing but a girl I longed for. A simple “yes” from your words meant a million smiles to my heart. You believed in me and to what I say despite our circumstances.
However, sometimes, I took your time with my desire just to talk with you, yet you proved the other way.
I admire you so much in a way that I could offer my existence to you. You made me realize how gracious and responsible you are no matter what.
I am very proud of you. That is why I sometimes ask myself, “Am I your right guy? Do I really deserve a great woman like you?” Anyway, I am just an ordinary man who owns nothing but a heart that aspires for a perfect woman…and that is you.
“I am the master of my faith. I am the Captain of my soul.” Yes. everybody has a destiny to mold and everyone has the capability to shape the future. One thing you showed me. It is the destiny where God became the center, and I, as your lover, will care for you with the utmost fortitude of my soul.